SEVEN MIND GAMES PLAYED BY THE NARCISSIST

Share
HTML-code
  • Published: 12 December 2018
  • How often have you felt manipulated by a narcissist? It has probably happened more times than you'd like to admit since manipulation is what they do. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter describes 7 mind games commonly played by a narcissist, and outlines ways to stay clear of them.

    Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions. He lives and maintains his practice near Dallas, Texas.

    Sign up for the Surviving Narcissism email list and receive extra videos, articles, and promotions: http://survivingnarcissism.tv

    Books by Dr. Carter: https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Trap-Yourself-Frustrations-Sabotage/dp/0787968803/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1534952299&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Anger+Trap
    https://www.amazon.com/Enough-About-You-Lets-Talk/dp/0470185147/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534952178&sr=8-1&keywords=enough+about+you+let%27s+talk+about+me
    https://store.bookbaby.com/book/When-Pleasing-You-Is-Killing-Me
    https://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Killing-Me/dp/1543935125

    Laura Charanza's book: https://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Killing-Me/dp/1543935125

    While Dr. Carter and Laura do not conduct online counseling, we have vetted a group that can meet such a need: https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissism
    (Sponsored)

    Dr. Carter's other YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/drlescarter

    Dr. Carter's online courses on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: http://drlescarter.com/video-workshops/

    YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIELB1mz8wMKIhB6DCmTBlw
  • Movies Movies

Comments • 7 064

  • Vincent Hayden
    Vincent Hayden  10 hours back

    "Nodody thinks like that!" "Nobody believes that!" -to quote a few from my personal narcissist committee

    • Laura Rader
      Laura Rader  11 hours back

      "Taking notes". To write the screenplay. Thank you, Dr. Carter.

      • SilantoA
        SilantoA  14 hours back

        That’s a really smart idea...I didn’t know you are that smart, how comes you didn’t think about that all these time?😳🤯

        • Priestess Persephone
          Priestess Persephone  17 hours back

          I realize that I have great expectations about people in general let alone my family members and I do feel like how come people don’t see things logically the way I see things ? and apparently that is a narcissistic trait right there ! and I’m the kind of person that I like to get to the bottom of things and dig deep and I have found amazing helpful information for myself personally with regards to dealing with the angst of life and tormenting issues that plague us as human beings and I have a lot of ideas about this and I just haven’t created the right forum for myself yet to get this awareness out to the world yet in my mind this morning I’m constantly thinking about what I would like to say to my mother for example or to her husband as they are the people I have the most problems with at the moment yet honestly I have problems with everyone in my family and it really bothers me that they don’t wanna talk things out

          a lot of times my brothers just run and hide and isolate so I think that there is a general fear of just expressing the nitty-gritty truth about things and one of the core issues is hating ! and there are many things in the world that we hate : we could hate waiting in line we could hate someone giving us the bad look
          there’s so many things that we can hate about life and we can moan and complain about all kinds of issues and hatred helps us to recognize what we have an aversion to and then set a boundary against it
          yet I also believe hatred is a good way to express how we really feel about hurtful negative situations and from my experience when I am really in touch with an intense feeling of hate about some person hurting me or whatever the issue is underneath there’s a lot of grief and a lot of despair and devastation
          even just with regards to feeling hate it’s an awful feeling to feel and it’s an ugly feeling thus even that experience is devastating
          yet when are we ever going to face reality as a race of people ? we need to face the truth of this very deep core feeling of hate and we all have our reasons for why we hate things and we need to see the reasons with clarity since the feeling of hate is such a strong feeling the major fear is being too out of control and doing something destructive from that place of feeling hate yet as we become more aware of this and more advanced psychologically, it is possible to choose love first with an open heart and be kind even though we’re feeling hate and that is a sign of a more evolved conscious person ; to be able to acknowledge a more intense feeling and then still choose to be kind and articulate our feelings in a kind way

          and anyway the bottom line for me is that I have this feeling inside of me that I believe that all people have the ability to learn and grow and become better and yet that’s my healers disease ; my codependency

          as I am wanting to be helpful to others and teach them and that can really backfire on me since people can be really insulted when it appears that someone thinks they need to learn something and that’s that narcissistic wound as well

          right now in my life I really need to learn about all these personality disorder issues because they’re so prevalent in my family and I have recently been communicating with my father again and he has major wounding stuff that is very tricky and complex and with that narcissistic core issue of self image reactions, I am not able to even bring up some of these subjects from my point of view because even my own personal empowerment can be a threat to my family members

          all in all this new learning has been quite a wild ride ! ( as in cluster b wild ride ) quite an experience and an awareness for myself and that’s why the codependency anonymous meetings are really helping me to see how I can just take care of myself and my own feelings since that’s the place that I do have real empowerment and to not get embroiled in my codependent habit of wanting to fix other people because that’s not my place and is none of my business and it’s just too much as I already have enough to deal with just with my own care and awareness for myself so anyway that’s where I’m at today
          thank you for listening

          • Eric Liao
            Eric Liao  20 hours back

            100% my boss is like that everything said here he is...all the insults no matter how good you work and he betrays his on work and blame it on you infront of everyone but all employees knows what kind of a person he is...he dictates and manipulate etc...sometimes I want to resign but I do not want him to win that is why I am still working for him...he continues to gve me more work aside from being an HR Manager and Training Manager I have other task that he gives which should have been the jobs from the other departmens etc...I am hopeful I can stay longer! Thank you for this video it does help me somehow and what must to do with people like him...

            • Marion Brauner
              Marion Brauner  21 hours back

              Great information! Thank you so much!
              I myself have a narcissistic stepfather and a codependant mother. It gets worse and worse, the older they get.
              They both turn 80 next year and it becomes rather awkward. He tappes every incoming phonecall, so there is a huge echo in the line. Even when my mother calls me, there is this echoing. Now I told her to call me on "healthy, normal" circumstances, but under these conditions, I am not prepared to talk to her.
              I haven´t gone into the more violent situations yet. He is a covert narcissist, maybe even a sociopath, I am not sure. He has this huge smear campaign in my family going on against me. And my mother is backing him, because she has to, I guess. Everybody seems to believe him. Now I am sincerely considering to go no contact, wich would be very difficult of course, because of the age.


              Would you recommend going no contact?

              • cheryl farrington
                cheryl farrington  23 hours back

                Being Australia x

                • cheryl farrington
                  cheryl farrington  20 hours back

                  @Surviving Narcissism I'll send you some beautiful photos my friend is a photographer

                  If you have a business email ...

                  Thank you both .

                • Surviving Narcissism
                  Surviving Narcissism   20 hours back

                  Wish I could visit your unique part of the globe.    Dr. C

              • cheryl farrington
                cheryl farrington  23 hours back

                I would love you to run our country x

              • 2008MrsKim
                2008MrsKim  24 hours back

                I'm not gonna get political but......

                • HildegardvB
                  HildegardvB  1 days back

                  Almost 2mil views! 200k subs! You’re great & the world is catching on.

                  • Surviving Narcissism
                    Surviving Narcissism   1 days back

                    This has been quite an experience for me and Laura. I'm pleased and honored to have the voice I have on YouTube.  Thanks for being a part of it!     Dr. C

                • Joseph najar
                  Joseph najar  2 days back

                  Thank you doctor for this wonderful video. You have described to a 'T' my ex-wife. She has very successfully destroyed my children's lives with her lies, manipulations and false accusations. I now realise that she was born at the top of the 'Narctree' and when she fell, she hit every Narcbranch' on the way down. I can't see a way to convince my girls that she is such an evil person. Because of her lies, the girls will not even talk to me, as I was blamed for so much of the violence she bestowed on them whilst they were sleeping. She bashed my eldest girl whilst she was asleep and then my daughter was told that I had come home drunk and bashed her. (I don't drink alcohol on a regular basis). In fact, I very rarely drink at all and I am not a violent man. When I asked what her problem was the next morning(she couldn't get out of bed), I was told by her 'mother' that she had 'Women's problems') I am ashamed that I was so gullible. A very convincing liar and the personification of evil.

                  • ParisPronoia
                    ParisPronoia  2 days back

                    When you realize this describes a great amount of people and it’s not safe for no one.

                    • Dennis
                      Dennis  3 days back

                      evacuation or elimination

                      • Fervid
                        Fervid  3 days back

                        Another channel on YT made a great point. The Narcissists are legalistic in how they treat you.

                        • C Jennings
                          C Jennings  3 days back

                          They are the dictator/Teacher/ SARCASTIC/ cruel unmerciful / Ridiculer : condescending belittling demeaning disrespecting dishonoring Teasing name calling Tearing everybody down. People are stupid.
                          He says WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!
                          He CHEATS. MANIPULATING. CONTROL. FREAKS! 2yr. Old drama king / i m a god. I m great!) He plays!
                          He says he HATES PEOPLE WHOM PLAYS GAMES. He is a NICE GUY. HELPS PEOPLE. FIXES THINGS FOR THEM. ACTS KIND. COOKS for them. He says them shitty people are in love with him. Yet they make Up lies about him. ??????? Is this real?

                          • T M
                            T M  3 days back

                            Yes, there are some times when you need to hold your ground with dignity, for the sake of your own self-respect. But it must be holding ground on an action of yours nicely and firmly with conviction, and not retaliation. Do not become personally critical of them, to their face, no matter how nasty and personal they are. They are waiting to take the fight to the muddy ground and then they will play dishonourably, and you won't have the heart and stomach to match that. So why even start the journey down that road?

                          • Deedee Turner
                            Deedee Turner  3 days back

                            I have a legit question. Im so irritated. Ok so my husband pays for his 3 daughters healthcare which i know is common in a divorce. So his ex is constantly calling him asking for more money because theres not enough money on the care card. Im like what in the world do you need more money for. Anyway where is the line drawn with that? He already pays her 55000 in child support geez.

                            • Staffy Lover
                              Staffy Lover  3 days back

                              Thank you.

                              • Priestess Persephone
                                Priestess Persephone  3 days back

                                i am not strong enough to confront my mother, i know this; no contact is my safety choice at the moment

                                • Wendy Hubbard
                                  Wendy Hubbard  3 days back

                                  Based on all of these videos about narcissism on YouTube (and I've seen many), I don't think I've ever known a true narcissist. I do believe that we all fall on some end of the narcissist spectrum, meaning many people can occasionally do things that can be considered narcissistic, but an all-out narcissist with truly zero empathy for others? Even people I've known who are mostly self-centered still care about others and see them as full human beings. I'm skeptical that narcissism is as common as these bloggers say...

                                  • Michael Howe
                                    Michael Howe  4 days back

                                    Life changing information. Thank you

                                    • Marie Jones
                                      Marie Jones  4 days back

                                      OUR GOVERNMENT IS NARCISSIST!!!!

                                      • West is the Best
                                        West is the Best  4 days back

                                        Only narcissistic people hit the dislike button hahaha

                                        • Nadine Hamburg
                                          Nadine Hamburg  4 days back

                                          You described how exactly I was bullied at work. Very divisive.

                                          • Brandon Morrison
                                            Brandon Morrison  4 days back

                                            I am out four good

                                            • S R
                                              S R  4 days back

                                              Thank you Dr Carter! It was finally made official today. The divorce hearing was at 10:30 am. I can’t quite believe it but am divorced. After 33 years of narcissist abuse.
                                              I bought a ring which represents me after all that I have endured. It has a twist but is still a complete circle and sparkles!
                                              I continue on my extraordinary journey. I am blessed to have had the support of family and friends who believed in me and prayed for me. I am so grateful to have found you, Dr. Les Carter on YouTube and Laura Martin Charanza and all of the kind and generous survivors who have raised their Victorious Voices. Thank you for sharing your advice. I’m not finished yet but I’m in such a better place compared with this time last year. Thanks Dr. Carter for helping me maintain my dignity, respect and civility towards myself and those that I have found the most challenging in my life.
                                              Stephanie, Australia

                                              • S R
                                                S R  2 hours back

                                                Peace and precious blessings to you too, Dr. Carter. Thank you!

                                              • Surviving Narcissism
                                                Surviving Narcissism   4 days back

                                                Good luck moving forward. I wish you peace.   Dr. C

                                            • Andy larue Smith
                                              Andy larue Smith  4 days back

                                              a brilliant narcissist is a fascinating person. A stupid narcissist is an average person

                                              • Susie Arviso
                                                Susie Arviso  5 days back

                                                The people I feel sorry for are those who are stuck having a narcissist as a boss, client or coworker. I mean, people who marry a narcissist are idiots who deserve what they get. Those who are related to a narcissist have the freedom and (hopefully) good sense to avoid them. Its not rocket science.

                                                • Aa Ca
                                                  Aa Ca  5 days back

                                                  I could never explain the damage these people cause mentally but not only that some physically effected but worst of all is what they do spiritually these people will suck you dry for everything including your energy and when I speak of energy I'm talking about chakras I'm talking about ancient knowledge here when you let these people or things into your temple you are doomed I would compare the way their energy rubs off on you to being tormented they can attack you spiritually their skills at manipulation are key to breaking you down until you trust them then once you have that openness they will basically become everything you want for a short period of time until they have no more use for you these people treat people like objects pure opportunists always trying to ruin someone's day to get ahead in their little fantasy worlds they live in 247 day dreaming staring into space these people are evil constantly conflicting themselves mentally they never let the past go never and in their every day life they will if there is not all ready create a drama they're amazing actors but what they're best at most is changing behaviour and moods these people change like jackel and Hyde you never know what ur dealing with next theyre always plotting against you even if they claim they have your best interests at heart and LIE these people are professional bullshitters they'd make excellent propaganda criers always have to be center of attention even if you're both happy together they will always be trying to grab attention of others in public they thrive and craves off attention you see emotions are energy in motion so they will always come at you with different masks to break down or reveal different emotions within you so they can pick your brain they don't even have to interrogate you they are master manipulators your ignorance is key to their strength chasing them only fuels their sick and twisted ego that they wish to inflate by destroying you and belittling you getting you to play whatever part they wish for you to be in their devilish schemes they live in a constant fantasy! They're turned on sexually by pain and suffering you will find these people in particular like to be dominant but allow you from time to time to dominate truth is they use sex as their main weapon because they're good at it but these people are damaged goods they have much practice in shall we say fucking people over. They always get under another to get over one this is the cycle they live and repeat and they will string many up the wrong paths or complete dead ends. Cutting contact immediately is the best way they will only manipulate you into falling into their mist the mirage of bullshit telling you everything you want to hear but remember words and actions with these people dont mean shit they are deceivers much like the one who fell.

                                                  • Bruce Bedlam
                                                    Bruce Bedlam  5 days back

                                                    The Narcissist I met in business said - I am here for your benefit - there are some nasty people out there and I am here to protect your interests and make sure you get your money. He saw me coming like a lamb to the slaughter.

                                                    • Vickie Boechler
                                                      Vickie Boechler  5 days back

                                                      Mother was a narcissist and brother turned out that way too. Awareness is your best defense!! Read the book “Why is it always about you?”

                                                      • Koula Kremastioti
                                                        Koula Kremastioti  5 days back

                                                        Thank you.

                                                        • Sharon Newton
                                                          Sharon Newton  5 days back

                                                          I have only just discovered this narcissist type of behaviors after getting stuck in a frustrating year long relationship of being used and tossed aside. You have helped tremendously!

                                                        • DianeD08
                                                          DianeD08  5 days back

                                                          You are explaining Trump, this malicious narcissist.

                                                          • rainbow
                                                            rainbow  6 days back

                                                            'You have a good life'
                                                            I have to work my ass off''
                                                            (he makes the rules
                                                            he starts senseless fights) I have given myself away and he knows my weaknesses ! Now, how do I regain my integrity and dignity? Thank you for your help here!

                                                            • Melody
                                                              Melody  6 days back

                                                              Excellent!!

                                                              • David MacLeod
                                                                David MacLeod  6 days back

                                                                You, sir, are goooood!

                                                                • Jan K
                                                                  Jan K  6 days back

                                                                  Does this remind anyone else of Donald T-Rump, the so-called leader of the Free World?

                                                                  • Jesus
                                                                    Jesus  6 days back

                                                                    Breeders are Severely Narcissistic.  Creating a bigger demand to slaughter more animals via breeding more humans that NEVER asked be born is an obvious severe mental illness.  A very low percentage of people can be healthy as vegetarians.  Therefore most people must eat meat to be healthy.  And if both the biological mother and biological father were healthy vegetarians their whole lives, that does not mean that the children that they breed would be healthy as a vegetarian.  Knowing that, for every new human created (and they never asked to be born) Millions of chickens and cows will have to be murdered to feed that new child throughout his lifetime. And millions more animals will have to be murdered to feed that humans offspring.  So creating new people that never asked to be born is Narcissistic. Most people are Narcissistic.  Just because most people do something does NOT make it ethical.   

                                                                    Most breeders are gas-lighters because they lie saying that people who choose not to breed are selfish.  But the truth is the Exact Opposite.  Breeding children that NEVER asked to be born knowing that more animals will have to be tortured or murdered to feed that kid and its dependents is The Epitome Of Selfishness.  

                                                                    There are Millions of orphans desperately waiting to be adopted. How can people be so selfish to allow themselves to get pregnant when there are millions of orphans waiting to be adopted??   The answer:  They are Severely Narcissistic.  They breed to have their mini-me stroke their egos because their egos/image is what is most important to them.

                                                                    • camera creativity life

                                                                      your volume needs to be 2xs louder

                                                                      • Jouhaina
                                                                        Jouhaina  7 days back

                                                                        came here to see what other people think about us narcissists so we can develop other games lel

                                                                        • Karen Chatham
                                                                          Karen Chatham  1 weeks back

                                                                          I cannot thank you enough for all of your hard work. You have truly helped me in so many ways.

                                                                        • xenot thewarriorwannabe

                                                                          Doesn't all of this advice just placate a narcissist? How about LEAVING the narcissist alone instead of continuing to date, be married to, or work for one. I work with a diagnosed, and thus self-aware narcissist who has been told by his therapist that he is lower on the scale. (Holy crap! I wonder what it's like when they are higher on that same scale!) He is addicted to trapping people into conversations so he can argue with them. No matter what your educational status, professional background, maturity level, age and experience, etc., there is nothing you can say or do to "win" an argument with a narcissist, let alone have a reasonable exchange of ideas with one. The narcissist, by virtue of trapping you into the argument in the first place, has already won. I've been able to get along with this person by listening to the information that is designed to lure me in, and then answering with such phrases as, "Hm. That's an interesting point." As soon as you answer with something that counters or even agrees with what he says, you will notice that glazed stare that indicates s/he is already forming an argument and is not listening to your point of view at all. The frustration for me in this situation is that narcissists are horrible at actively listening so the conversation is not meaningful for anyone. Their only aim is to defend how right they are. You can tell them what 98% of experts in the field you are discussing believe based on a book or journal article you just read, and they then proceed to argue with the vast majority of PhDs in that field, when they, for example, have little to no formal education beyond high school or have a completely different area of expertise. Another way I have avoided these wastes-of-company time is to completely reroute the conversation towards a positive obsession that is of mutual interest. In this case, it is our pets. Even if he explains how absolutely superior his pet is, it somehow doesn't irritate me when most pet owners feel exactly the same way about their own beloved pet. Every now and again, I find myself accidentally tripping into one of the narcissist's obsessive one-way-conversations. When I recognize the situation I'm in, I mentally back off and then check my own need for self importance at the door by walking away. If you find that you cannot resist arguing with a narcissist, you may need to find out if you might be one yourself or have an enabling issue. You can't fix them and it's not your job.

                                                                          • Surviving Narcissism
                                                                            Surviving Narcissism   7 days back

                                                                            I get your drift, but there are simply times when circumstances are convoluted and leaving is not an immediate option.    Dr. C

                                                                        • ian clarke
                                                                          ian clarke  1 weeks back

                                                                          Half the staff in the NHS

                                                                          • Aa Ca
                                                                            Aa Ca  5 days back

                                                                            @ian clarke the system is backwards the psychiatric side of it is warped they just sedate anyone without actually giving the person a chance to explain what the problem is its just a pharmaceutical monopoly preying on vulnerable people!

                                                                          • ian clarke
                                                                            ian clarke  5 days back

                                                                            @Aa Ca and I'm referring to the psychiatric side of the NHS, where empathy is a must and half honestly don't know the meaning of the word ,even after explaining it.

                                                                          • Aa Ca
                                                                            Aa Ca  5 days back

                                                                            Haha yes they specifically hire people that lack empathy

                                                                        • Nuksa
                                                                          Nuksa  1 weeks back

                                                                          “I wish I could put you in my pocket and carry you around everywhere.” My first husband said this early on in our marriage. Twenty years later, his narcissistic abuse had long since broken my body and mind, but I still wasn’t in his pocket, and so he went on to someone else. Then I found a kind man. I ignored his bad qualities; his kindness was irresistible after so much abuse. Shortly after our marriage, he said, “I wish I could put you in my pocket and take you everywhere.” Friends, don’t let this happen to you.

                                                                          • Andre Zee
                                                                            Andre Zee  1 weeks back

                                                                            Whos here after Antonio Brown release? Lol.

                                                                          • Gold Fingers
                                                                            Gold Fingers  1 weeks back

                                                                            What if you’re just a nice guy and the people they interact with are liars,disingenuous,contriving,selfish,maladjusted and manipulative?
                                                                            Is the person whose coping with these people a narcissist ?
                                                                            I think that there are major flaws in this diagnosis as it absolves the negative and dishonest people rather than have them to answer for it.

                                                                            • SaintTrinianz
                                                                              SaintTrinianz  1 weeks back

                                                                              2:34