SEVEN MIND GAMES PLAYED BY THE NARCISSIST

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  • Published: 12 December 2018
  • How often have you felt manipulated by a narcissist? It has probably happened more times than you'd like to admit since manipulation is what they do. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter describes 7 mind games commonly played by a narcissist, and outlines ways to stay clear of them.

    Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions. He lives and maintains his practice near Dallas, Texas.

    Sign up for the Surviving Narcissism email list and receive extra videos, articles, and promotions: http://survivingnarcissism.tv

    Books by Dr. Carter: https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Trap-Yourself-Frustrations-Sabotage/dp/0787968803/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1534952299&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Anger+Trap
    https://www.amazon.com/Enough-About-You-Lets-Talk/dp/0470185147/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534952178&sr=8-1&keywords=enough+about+you+let%27s+talk+about+me
    https://store.bookbaby.com/book/When-Pleasing-You-Is-Killing-Me
    https://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Killing-Me/dp/1543935125

    Laura Charanza's book: https://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Killing-Me/dp/1543935125

    While Dr. Carter and Laura do not conduct online counseling, we have vetted a group that can meet such a need: https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissism
    (Sponsored)

    Dr. Carter's other YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/drlescarter

    Dr. Carter's online courses on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: http://drlescarter.com/video-workshops/

    YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIELB1mz8wMKIhB6DCmTBlw
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Comments • 7 767

  • Lawrence Fisher
    Lawrence Fisher  3 hours back

    Watch people like move fast. Never knew smart narcissist. Most stupid.

    • Bright Star
      Bright Star  11 hours back

      The father of my son is a narcissist. I met him when I was 21. We got our son when I was 24. We moved abroad when I was 27 and I made the biggest mistake to let his parents move with us, who were both narcissists as well. I wasn't aware of them being narcissist back then. Away from my friends and family and with no friends there, I was indoctrinated into their toxicity and his parents had convinced me of what was wrong with my family and friends. It took me 3 years from then when I was completely broken. I divorced him and when I moved back to my own country they kept me from taking my son with me and made the judge and child protection service belief that I was crazy and not capable of taking good care of him. The result was that my son, at the age of 7, was separated from his mother for 5 years. It was hell for both of us. My ex took in another woman with 2 children 3 weeks after I left, which was devastating for my son and my ex had spread lies about me to everyone who asked where I was which resulted in that even at the school my son went had protected my son against me when I contacted them. Even though they told me that my son was not doing well and looked neglected and unprovided for, they still didn't believe me when I told them what was really going on. I was allowed to see my son during the holidays, but if I spoke against them I was ignored and forbidden to pick up my son. When I did get permission to see him, my son was literally sick to his stomach and begging me to not take him back there. But I couldn't because when i did, my ex would use the law to prevent me from it. Even lawyers in my own country weren't able to help me, because the lies my ex told were so strong that keeping my son with me was seen as abduction. I was forced to live by their rules, or otherwise I wasn't allowed to see my son. My ex used our son to still have grip on me and he made it very clear that he wanted me to feel miserable because I left him. It became so bad that I even started believing what they said about me. When my son was 12 he was allowed to choose where he wanted to live. Now he is living with me since 1,5 year and I see him struggling with his self confidence and he has some concerning behavior. I worry for his future and want to help him to solve the damage that has been done to him, but I fear that he isn't able to handle any form of therapy because it will confront him with the deep wound he carries with him and that he has tucked away as far as he can. I have started therapy myself after being diagnosed with CPTSD and it no joke to heal from this, and I am an adult. I would appreciate any advice on how to help him.

      • Susan Berg
        Susan Berg  13 hours back

        Jealousy! My Sister and my Mother! I still have no idea why! I apparently had something they were both threatened by! They made my life hell for no reason!

        • NE Powers
          NE Powers  13 hours back

          Confronting did not work for me. He was all just Denial, denial, denial, saying, "I did not say that".

          • akiem freeman
            akiem freeman  15 hours back

            They even turn on the microwave just to purposely mess up your wifi connection, ex using it 3x in 1 seating.

            • DroolBunny XO
              DroolBunny XO  15 hours back

              Dealing with someone like this now, nearly every point, & it's terribly scary. To where I've sought a lawyer's advice, just in case. People like this are master manipulators, & often psychopaths, who know how to perfectly straddle that line between suspicion & proof. You know they can't be trusted, because of their history of questionable behaviors. And you also instinctively know when they are up to no-good. But you can't prove it or convince others of your suspicions without sounding crazy & paranoid. (Gas lighting?) It's very frustrating & confusing - off balance is the perfect description.

              • Christine Haigh
                Christine Haigh  19 hours back

                No, you don't get to try those tricks on me, ever again!

                • Christine Haigh
                  Christine Haigh  19 hours back

                  No, you don't to try that game on me!

                  • susan ivy
                    susan ivy  19 hours back

                    All I kept hearing was descriptions of Trump....it's uncanny.

                    • andie tertaws
                      andie tertaws  23 hours back

                      Be careful! Don't roll in the mud with a pig. She likes it and you get dirty.

                      • Alice Webb
                        Alice Webb  1 days back

                        I was married to a narcissist for 12 years and it was hell, he completely took over my life and everything you described fitted. When we divorced it took me 9 years to rebuild my confidence and personality only to realise that my father was also a narcissist so I guess I was already primed to react the way I did. I am now happy and know who I am and am a strong person who will never be fooled again. He also tried his tactics on our youngest son but thankfully he stood up to him.

                        • Caroline Limone
                          Caroline Limone  1 days back

                          I can't even like believe this. It's so spot-on. A family conversation and he'll say it all and as soon as I would give my input he would shut me down in front of everybody. How about the lip curl the contempt and out of nowhere everything's fine and he'll say something that shocks you. It's belittling and criticizes will you say what did you just say? Never takes responsibility turns it around to you. But we not talking about me with talking about what you just did. The blame game. You can never do anything right especially when you do it very well

                          • Caroline Limone
                            Caroline Limone  1 days back

                            Omg the criticism. It started. No matter what I do even cooking for his mother what pan I used or how I did it.. my God everything you say is so spot-on.. it became so constant. And then once you get away and you get yourself back. The person that everybody loves and your friends compliment think you're so impressive. What a wonderful feeling and you actually have to stop yourself and say where have I been? For years where have I been

                            • mygirls687984
                              mygirls687984  2 days back

                              Run over by a Mac truck describes it perfectly

                              • Cody Gigas
                                Cody Gigas  2 days back

                                Great video! Narcs and bpd gaggle together online to harass people as well: https://psychforums.home.blog/2019/11/10/dupe-and-double-dupe-narc-supply/ Many narcs/bpd are also in the psychology industry.

                                • Mica kustoms
                                  Mica kustoms  2 days back

                                  I had my first car accident at 30, and backed into a pole in a store parking lot which was in my blind spot. Very poorly built and in a wrong place because of all the accidents people had because of it. Well it was Later removed. Told my dad about it while in the ER with a head and neck contusion. He said to me I probably was backing back too fast. Ok. Who backs out of a parking space going 50mph anyway. Ugh stupid evil ass

                                  • Carole Warner
                                    Carole Warner  2 days back

                                    Oh my God! 100% TRUMP!

                                    • Darya Merkulov
                                      Darya Merkulov  2 days back

                                      I lived with narcissist for 23 years! Fifteen years later, still recovering.

                                    • Les Car
                                      Les Car  2 days back

                                      That was perfectly said.

                                      • Kelly Dolan
                                        Kelly Dolan  2 days back

                                        My daughter is married to a depressed narcissist. He’s spent the better part of the last 10 years trying to separate her from others. So much so, I didn’t see my granddaughter for the first year of her life. She’s 5 now, and he’s solely responsible for her slow development. She’s just now potty training, and speaking with small sentences. He not only didn’t interact with her for the first year but, watched horror movies with her. It wasn’t until my daughter came home to him watching a horror movie with her in the room at the age of 4, did we know why she had nightmares and demonstrated signs of pica. Just recently, he accused us of putting the idea of nightmares in her head, accusing us of causing her fear of sleep. (Laughable)
                                        Being 50, I’ve dealt with my fair share of narcissistic people so, I tell her not to take the bait. Just by me saying that doesn’t really explain why I tell her that. I will definitely be sharing your videos with her. Hopefully, it’ll help her to understand why he’s doing what he’s doing and enlighten her as to why he’s adamant about not seeing a counselor. In the meantime, I’ll be over here doing damage control where my granddaughter is concerned.
                                        I can’t thank you enough for sharing this information! 💞
                                        Incidentally, I once had a man say, “You’re just a crumb in the bottom of my breadbox.”, I quickly replied, “The one you lick your finger to pick up because I’m so delicious?”....😂😂😂💪🏻👊🏻 p.s. I’m a quick witted sarcastic Scorpio! 👍🏻👍🏻 We’re friends to this day!

                                        • nicholas floyd
                                          nicholas floyd  2 days back

                                          He sounds just like Dr. Phil but he is dropping nugget's!!!

                                          • anne
                                            anne  2 days back

                                            that is exactly what my ex said, "I will get you to trust me and then you will leave me".
                                            i did and I did.

                                            • Sandy Coponen
                                              Sandy Coponen  2 days back

                                              Can a average person become a narcissist from just living with a narcissist for a lengthy amount of years?

                                              • Jenifer Thompson
                                                Jenifer Thompson  24 hours back

                                                @Surviving Narcissism when you say mannerisms "RUB OFF" that means just the mannerisms, and not the actual disease? Your true mental state isn't that of a narcissist. Just the way you react? I really need someone to talk too.

                                              • Surviving Narcissism
                                                Surviving Narcissism   2 days back

                                                Ongoing exposure to their mannerisms can rub off. Dr. C

                                            • It’s not this sis
                                              It’s not this sis  2 days back

                                              True

                                              • Ashish1234 Waingankar
                                                Ashish1234 Waingankar  2 days back

                                                Perfect. Please tell me how to counter them?

                                                • Justina Musyoka
                                                  Justina Musyoka  2 days back

                                                  I'm here because i was looking for a solution to some problems that seemed not well with the people around me in my life.Always someone provoking my emotions.thank you.

                                                  • Rick Lau
                                                    Rick Lau  2 days back

                                                    SOMETIMES.. they just need a GOOD old fashioned ASS WOOPIN'!!😲

                                                    • Brenda Harrison-Roberts

                                                      I appreciate you!

                                                      • Vera Kneisel
                                                        Vera Kneisel  3 days back

                                                        Well what can I say but a huge thank you! It took me over 35 years to realize that my husband is a narcissist! I could not understand why everything always was my fault! Now I am starting to clearly understand that I am not the problem but he is. Thank you that I can learn from you. It's all a bit much to take in but I prefer to educate myself on narcissism, than falling into his trap!

                                                      • # dragon
                                                        # dragon  3 days back

                                                        I'd feel better if he told me I must subscribe to his channel.

                                                        • Labyrinth Spirituality

                                                          I have a manager at work who is a textbook narcissist, and he hates that I've seen through the façade. He tries even harder to bully me into submission, but I'm not giving-in. He hates that I don't give-in, and that I have more allies at work than he does, so he has tried harder and harder to sabotage me, but I simply keep doing what I do.

                                                          • ASHLAND STATION MUSIC
                                                            ASHLAND STATION MUSIC  3 days back

                                                            Once you're married to it, you're fucked. Get to know your partner before going all in.

                                                            • Hugh Shaw
                                                              Hugh Shaw  3 days back

                                                              You just described what I am going through. For 13 years I’ve learned all this after my wife got her 2nd masters and I’ve still yet to go through flight school

                                                              • Jose Williams
                                                                Jose Williams  3 days back

                                                                Wow, you just described a close relative who used to tie me in knots, but that won't be happening again.

                                                                • Walter Sobchak
                                                                  Walter Sobchak  3 days back

                                                                  Best friends grandmother is a narcissist to the utmost extreme. Everything on this list but more and magnified.

                                                                  Super drama queen, victim, two faced, back stabbing, condescending, arrogant, egotistical, all about her and furthering her nasty little agenda at all costs, wrinkled up Louis Vuitton handbag skinned, everything wrong with the world and then some, all rolled up into a bright red haired 92 year old witch.

                                                                  This trash has created unimaginable amounts of strife for everybody around her to the point of utter disbelief. Happened countless times and no other reason than she can do it. She has hung me out to dry at least 10 times. Loves to start the drama and sit back and watch as clamity ensues with a big sick twisted smile. She will set you up for failure and then tell you that she told you so. Will fake an illness or injury just to bait you with her hooks.


                                                                  I was taught not to hate but this is a special case. What's unreal is that good people die every day of cancer young people kids........ It makes me wonder.

                                                                  • Laura Broomfield
                                                                    Laura Broomfield  3 days back

                                                                    This is a very helpful video for spotting a narcissist and getting control of oneself esteem again Thanks.

                                                                    • Frosted Buns
                                                                      Frosted Buns  3 days back

                                                                      “I am speaking in an accent that is out of your range of hearing”😂

                                                                      • Zephyr Blue
                                                                        Zephyr Blue  3 days back

                                                                        I quit a job in May 2019 where I was working with someone who eventually became my supervisor and I am fairly certain she is a narcissist. I worked exclusively with her in a single shared office with the door closed (in order to protect patient privacy as we were on the phone to patients) for over a year. She trained me to my position as she was the only other employee with the position and was in need of help as the job was requiring more and more. She has a lot of charisma and I really admired her and grew to like her quickly. Almost just as quickly, I saw a few things that bothered me such as talking negatively to me about co-workers that I had only just met and being negative about the job in general. Things quickly declined and I found myself astonished that I was in the position I was in. It took a lot of courage to walk out of that job. I want to know...can someone have PTSD from this type of experience/experiences with a narcissist? I have a new job now and am feeling super insecure and fearful. I find myself bending over backward to please. I am so afraid of making anyone angry or disappointed in me. any suggestions are appreciated.

                                                                        • Michael Dallas
                                                                          Michael Dallas  3 days back

                                                                          Dr. Carter's videos have helped me so much. As a veteran I have to go to Camp McCain to see a councilor, and it's too far to drive. I used to say " I can just stay home and cry, and save the gas."

                                                                          • Quiche Lorraine
                                                                            Quiche Lorraine  4 days back

                                                                            Anyone hear about the narc who when his wife caught him cheating with another guy then accused her of being a homophobe ? !

                                                                            • Quiche Lorraine
                                                                              Quiche Lorraine  3 days back

                                                                              ps take it easy Dr. --- I have more info. :)

                                                                            • Quiche Lorraine
                                                                              Quiche Lorraine  3 days back

                                                                              @Surviving Narcissism Thanks ! & a send out to > Gus & cookies too ! Love you all .

                                                                            • Surviving Narcissism
                                                                              Surviving Narcissism   3 days back

                                                                              Ok, Quiche, you need to do stand up comedy. Dr. C

                                                                          • Waverly Johnson
                                                                            Waverly Johnson  4 days back

                                                                            Aren’t we all able to display some of these traits from time to time? We all want to protect our vulnerabilities, especially when it comes to past pains.

                                                                            • Lisa pope
                                                                              Lisa pope  4 days back

                                                                              I have lost myself and its wrecking my mind.

                                                                              • David Feal
                                                                                David Feal  4 days back

                                                                                Good evening Dr. carter. Thank you for the information. My name is David.retired paramedic 9.1.1.US.Navy. Our Country is being tested and it’s good to have your professional opinions and instructions on this topic and condition. Thank you. I think our country needs to hear your opinions and recommendations at this point and time in history. The news should have a special reports on surviving Narcissism.With Dr.s like you.

                                                                                • Katie Johnson
                                                                                  Katie Johnson  4 days back

                                                                                  I greatly benefit from your videos. I was raised in dysfunction and am working on personal healing.

                                                                                  • Amy Lynne Bate
                                                                                    Amy Lynne Bate  4 days back

                                                                                    Wow-I have watched a lot of videos on this subject and most were excellent-so high compliments to you for the way you present this information and your explanation of Point #3 - it was mind-warping!!!! And also WOW NARCISSISTS you people are messed up lol

                                                                                    • KAY FINCH
                                                                                      KAY FINCH  4 days back

                                                                                      I know someone like this and they will never change....

                                                                                      • Yeesha Coffee'sMom
                                                                                        Yeesha Coffee'sMom  5 days back

                                                                                        This is the best summary that I have found on you-tube yet.
                                                                                        Thank you.

                                                                                        • PentaTonya FanGirl
                                                                                          PentaTonya FanGirl  5 days back

                                                                                          Wow. Eye opening moment right here. All of this makes total sense now. Glad to be free of these individuals in my life now. No more guilt on my end from now on. Thank You!!!