I don't want children -- stop telling me I'll change my mind | Christen Reighter

  • Published: 08 December 2017
  • One in five women in the United States will not have a biological child, and Christen Reighter is one of them. From a young age, she knew she didn't kids, in spite of the insistence of many people (including her doctor) who told her she'd change her mind. In this powerful talk, she shares her story of seeking sterilization -- and makes the case that motherhood is an extension of womanhood, not the definition.

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Comments • 18 903

  • Rowsh keyboard Hero
    Rowsh keyboard Hero  9 hours back

    I dont want any kid, but my wife does and I love her so much. We have been married for 10 years and I am happy with her. I just dont want to bring a living being into this fucked up world.

    • Rowsh keyboard Hero
      Rowsh keyboard Hero  8 hours back

      @Lucareon Vee me too, thanks.

    • Lucareon Vee
      Lucareon Vee  9 hours back

      Rowsh keyboard Hero
      Hoping that you can work things out with your wife.

  • Jdp 23
    Jdp 23  11 hours back

    I'm just gonna make anyone that says il change my mind watch this 😂 thank you ❤️

    • Binh Luu
      Binh Luu  14 hours back

      People have right for their own decision and people also need to familiar with "collapse of population" idea. Something might be end with good thinking. Done.

      • Lucareon Vee
        Lucareon Vee  10 hours back

        Binh Luu
        What about the issue of overpopulation? I’d say that people need to be aware of that too. :)

    • Amerlad mad
      Amerlad mad  2 days back

      ''dont you wanna leave anything behind?''
      this question triggers me so hard.
      NO, NO I DONT KAREN, the earth could blow up after i die for all i care, when i die, i die, karen.

      • Amerlad mad
        Amerlad mad  6 hours back

        @Witch Chan i dont appreciate your sarcasm good sir.

      • Witch Chan
        Witch Chan  12 hours back

        @Amerlad mad stunning and brave

    • Love is the solution
      Love is the solution  2 days back

      Nah everyone has the freedom to do what they wan in their life Kidd’s no Kidd’s all up to them
      I personally LOVE 💓 children 👶
      Even children love me for some reason I think they feel the energy of love they come to me sometimes and leave their parents If we where shopping and I smiled to them
      In my opinion the most beautiful thing on earth 🌍 is children and flowers 🌷

      • KVA
        KVA  2 days back

        It's fine if someone doesn't want kids. I think women should be able to get "fixed" at whatever age. They should sign something of course saying they can never sue if they ever do change their mind, but that's a no brainer. However, just like these women don't want people judging them for not having kids, people also need to stop judging those who do want them . Someone having kids or not, is none of your business.

        • Tamia Donoso
          Tamia Donoso  2 days back

          she's amazing.

          • Mick Namens
            Mick Namens  3 days back

            I think to have children and raise them in a good way requires a lot of LOVE 💖💕💞💓 . Love means to give. If you didn't receive love as a child and didn't get it later in your life then you may end up as a poor pitiful person. In this case it's better to not have children. But much better is to search for and experience real global love. To test if you love someone 100% ask yourself "would I give my life for him/her?" To me the speaker seems to be very unhappy, not because of the reluctant doctors but because of missing love. Maybe she's unhappy since she was 5 yr. young.

            • Lucareon Vee
              Lucareon Vee  10 hours back

              Mick Namens
              Who says that you can’t give your love in another way? :)

          • MadamMorningstar
            MadamMorningstar  3 days back

            I love kids. Just don’t want any of my own. I hate the stigma around childfree women.

            • bella the bookworm
              bella the bookworm  3 days back

              I dont want bio kids for 2 reasons:
              1. My family has too many genetic disorders and diseases that i wouldnt want to pass on, not because disabled children are a bad thing but 2. There are enough children in need of a home, of any color, ability, and who have a range of backrounds that i would be happy to call my children.

            • ZebraAntiZylope
              ZebraAntiZylope  3 days back

              You remind me a bit of Kristen Stewart

            • Jane
              Jane  3 days back

              This wold is horribly overpopulated and our resources and Earth are diminishing and eroding at a much faster pace than they should. We need an epidemic and half of the population to go away. People will say I'm crazy but what's crazy is that more people are alive at this very moment than have died in the entirety of humanity. Nature is about balance and we've tipped the scale and all these "families" people are birthing will be nothing more than witnesses to the atrocities humanity has caused due to our selfishness to procreate like feral cats and vermin.

              • Lucareon Vee
                Lucareon Vee  1 hours back

                LOL, honey, all you did was throw in a bunch of straw men. None of your “facts” were anything that I was arguing to begin with. Whenever I talk about overpopulation, it’s always pertaining to global warming. :p

                Never said that you couldn’t have kids either. Just that they’ll be the ones who suffer. :)

                I prefer to live childfree. No brats, more money. :)

              • KVA
                KVA  1 hours back

                Lucareon Vee also the fact that nobody wants to have kids with you is nothing to brag about 💀💀 your not better than anyone else because your ugly or so incredibly intolerable to have children with. Lmao as interesting as it is talking to people like you who are dumber than rocks, I actually have my own life. Have a wonderful day/night ☺️☺️

              • Lucareon Vee
                Lucareon Vee  2 hours back

                LOL, honey, none of those are what I argue. As of now, each new human being will contribute a minimum of 9 tons of carbon to the atmosphere. Humans are killing the planet, and scientists are warning about the effects. Those effects are going to be felt by your children. Mine? They don’t exist. :p

              • KVA
                KVA  3 hours back

                ​@Lucareon Vee "Before we start, however, let’s define terms. Overpopulation describes a situation where the number of people exhausts the resources in a closed environment such that it can no longer support that population"
                " 'There isn’t enough'! Since the time of Thomas Malthus in the early 1800s, doomsayers have gloomily predicted that mankind would outbreed its food supply, resulting in catastrophic famines. Yet the world currently produces enough food to feed 10 billion people, and there are only 7 billion of us. That is, with 7 billion human minds at work, we produce enough food for 10 billion human bodies.[1] Imagine how much food we can produce with 10 billion minds!

                “ 'But there are still hungry people in the world!' Yes, hunger remains a problem in some parts of the world, but it is not caused by the number of people. Commenting on the recent Somali famine, Oxfam, an international humanitarian organization, stated, “Famines are not natural phenomena, they are catastrophic political failures.”
                " 'Ok, but humans now eat higher up the food chain that we used to. We can’t keep that up and still have enough for everyone!' Sure, people in the developed nations eat more meat, which requires much more energy input per calorie eaten than if we ate grains and plant proteins. But that doesn’t mean that we will run out of food. We are eating higher energy foods because they are relatively cheaper than they used to be—and prices don’t fall when goods are scarce. The falling price of high energy foods indicates that they are becoming more plentiful, not less so. According to the World Education Service, “world agriculture produces 17% more calories per person today than it did 30 years ago…This is enough to provide everyone in the world with at least 2,720 kilocalories (kcal) per person per day.”
                " 'We are running out of water!' The earth is awash in water. Oceans cover 70 percent of the planet’s surface to an average depth of 6,000 feet. That’s why the earth looks blue from space. You cannot use up or destroy water; you can only change its state (from liquid to solid or gas) or contaminate it so that it is undrinkable.
                " 'But we’re growing exponentially!' We really aren’t. The human race is certainly growing, but not exponentially. “Exponential growth” means that the higher a quantity gets, the more its growth rate increases. And in fact, the world population growth rate has been declining since its peak in the early 1960s. Between 1950 and 2000, the world population grew at a rate of 1.76%. Between 2000 and 2050, it is expected to grow by 0.77 percent.[3] So yes, because 0.77 is greater than zero, it is a positive growth rate, and the world population will continue to grow, but not exponentially.

                Again, I see you too are one of those people who gets all of their information probably from twitter or instagram. Maybe even buzzfeed. ;)

              • Lucareon Vee
                Lucareon Vee  10 hours back

                The world is overpopulated. Are you one of those people who thinks it’s not simply because everyone could live in Texas? ;)

            • ZOOZ AA
              ZOOZ AA  4 days back

              Double that stigma and pressure if your family have a middle eastern culture. They will call you crazy and you probably will be pushed aside not from just your doctors but the hole community. I don't even think such surgery is allowed

              • Nida Khatri
                Nida Khatri  3 days back

                South Asian too

              • ArabicMusicLady
                ArabicMusicLady  3 days back

                As a 100% Middle Eastern woman, I agree with you. I hope one day Middle Eastern people become more open minded about Middle Eastern women choosing not to get married and choosing not to have kids. There is so much more to life than just getting married and having kids. There are other ways to find happiness. Marriage and kids don't bring happiness to many women or men.

            • A Santos
              A Santos  4 days back

              English is not my first language: Everyone think that all mothers love their children and that is not true. My mother did not love me, ever, she said she did but I always knew it was not true. I never felt the love, ever. I just felt rejection, negligence, regret. She is a doctor, or was, everyone thinks she is the best person and due to that, the best mother. I actually think she is a good person but I dont understand we she did not and does not love me. (I am a good enough person, studied, married, completely normal life) That is the reason I did not want to have children. Having children is just an experience, it can be good, not so good, bad or very bad. What if you have a sick child? . In my case, what if I had then and did not love them, just like my mother (she hated being a mother, the luck she had that an old aunt raised me and was her maid too). I think everyone has their own reasons and nobody has to judge. Mine is fear and responsibility, I think is a valid reason. And, why people care if other people have or not have children? I dont get it. What is their problem? I wont ask them to take care of me ever. In conclusion, I am happy (reasonable happy like everyone because nothing is perfect so dont fake it) at 46, my husband is a doctor, I am a nurse practitioner, we travel and want to travel a lot more, my husband adores, me, me him, and I am not alone at all, family of two. Maybe he will die, maybe I will die, maybe my hypothetical child will die too and I will be alone when I am old. Sometimes I have regrets but I think is normal, I would regret too if I had a sick child or whatever, or be like my mother.

              • Drew Williams
                Drew Williams  5 days back

                I love her honesty

                • Anton JB
                  Anton JB  5 days back

                  I say sure not everyone wants or needs kids, but isnt it kinda waste of money, meds, time and all to just I dont know whats its called the thing that makes u unable to have children, and I mean for both men and women.

                  • Lucareon Vee
                    Lucareon Vee  3 days back

                    Anton JB
                    From what I understand, it can be. Again, though, a lot of people see it as a precaution that they’re willing to pay for.

                  • Anton JB
                    Anton JB  3 days back

                    @Lucareon Vee Isnt it like really alot of cash tho? atleast in us where u have to pay for this stuff?

                  • Nida Khatri
                    Nida Khatri  3 days back

                    @Lucareon Vee exactly

                  • Lucareon Vee
                    Lucareon Vee  4 days back

                    Anton JB
                    Sterilization. And it depends. For some people, the peace of mind is worth the price. And that price is still less than raising a child. :)

                • MTX157
                  MTX157  5 days back

                  I don't want her to have children...

                  Otherwise, she deserves to die painfully for raping someone.

                  • BearlyMHere
                    BearlyMHere  5 days back

                    The need for family is biology. That you choose not to is your choice but all I hear is fear. And you are promoting self-sterilization...that's very sad.

                    It denies the gift of life. Children are the hardest best gift. But, your choice.

                    • Lucareon Vee
                      Lucareon Vee  4 days back

                      She’s not promoting it. She’s acknowledging that it’s a choice and that women are disrespected for it.

                  • golemkonty
                    golemkonty  5 days back

                    As a human who passionately hates humanity I can advise anyone of you to stop making more humans. I will make the same. I hope that humanity dies before it destroys the life on this beautiful planet. We dont deserve it.

                    • KVA
                      KVA  2 days back

                      I will be making more humans thanks. It is your choice if you don't want to. But for as long as the human race still exists, no one is going to listen to you. You can hate yourself, fine but I dont hate myself :)

                  • Cubefarmer Hkc
                    Cubefarmer Hkc  5 days back

                    I don't want kids because I am just a selfish person. Plain and simple.

                  • Kyle Sheley
                    Kyle Sheley  5 days back

                    She thinks people have rights. That's adorable.

                    • Lucareon Vee
                      Lucareon Vee  5 days back

                      Kyle Sheley
                      Well, what rights doesn’t she have? Or you, for that matter?

                  • Lucian
                    Lucian  5 days back

                    You still need someone else’s biology to form a family tough

                    • Lucareon Vee
                      Lucareon Vee  5 days back

                      Given the number of children waiting to be adopted, it’s clear that there’s a lot of that. ;)

                  • e me
                    e me  5 days back

                    If it’s appropriate to ask a woman: why you don’t want to have kids ? Is it ok if I ask her: why do you have them?

                    • Lucareon Vee
                      Lucareon Vee  5 days back

                      e me
                      Absolutely, I would say. No double standards. :)

                  • mikei
                    mikei  6 days back

                    Im not getting kids until im 40, like my mom. And if I can’t, I’ll adopt

                    • Bob
                      Bob  6 days back

                      The only problem I can see in the litigious world especially of the USA is of the doctors being terrified of you suing them later saying they should have realised you were too young to make that decision. Sod's law.

                      • Fantasia
                        Fantasia  7 days back

                        Most "parents" are not equipped with the resources, nor have the mental capacity to actually raise a child properly. There's nothing special about being born by the way, as even animals can thoughtlessly reproduce. Why do people seek fulfillment again? Because it's the absence of emptiness and the same thing goes for love, joy, etc...people seek these things, because they want to be distracted or taken away from the misery of life. Plain and simple & if you don't get this, then you've got a lot of thinking to do.

                        • 처절한여학생
                          처절한여학생  7 days back

                          People don’t consider their kids’ right of choosing about existing in here. They make kids only for themselves. Nobody think about bad thing of giving birth. Nobody of us does wanna cry, suffer from agony, or get hurts, even DIE. But we must do that. Because we were born, just because other’s selfish choice and just having some fun.

                          • 처절한여학생
                            처절한여학생  7 days back


                            • Doctor Astronomy
                              Doctor Astronomy  7 days back

                              How screwed up psychologically is a species that it would no would longer want to reproduce?

                              • Hannah Nope
                                Hannah Nope  4 days back

                                almost like humans are complex creatures with different wants and desires! crazy, right?

                              • Lucareon Vee
                                Lucareon Vee  6 days back

                                Doctor Astronomy
                                I wouldn’t know, because clearly humans are still reproducing.

                            • a soft & gentle rose
                              a soft & gentle rose  7 days back

                              There are many reasons for a woman to not want to have kids. I’m still not sure if I want kids and I’ve been saying this for years. Maybe that will change when I meet someone I truly love and want to start a family with them, or the person I meet will not want kids either...who knows. I know that part of the reason that I am hesitant to have kids is because I come from a divorced family and even though I’m not the cause of my parents divorce I see the way having kids affects the dynamics of a relationship between two people, and the thought of falling in love with someone, having kids with them, and then our relationship completely changing scares me..I’m not blaming kids for adult problems but the way adults interact once they have kids can totally change. It just scares me to be honest. I am 100% in favor of a woman choosing to not want to be a mom and a man not wanting to be a dad. If you feel that parenting isn’t your thing, it’s actually being more thoughtful to the unborn child versus bringing them into this world and not giving them the life they deserve.

                              • mar s
                                mar s  1 weeks back

                                anyone else.... uh.... on the verge of tears

                                • Witch Chan
                                  Witch Chan  1 weeks back

                                  Children are the future. A society that promotes mass infertility has accepted the death of their society

                                  Ps America and Europe have had low birth rates for decades and are only a small portion of the world. So don’t pull that overpopulation crap

                                  • Lucareon Vee
                                    Lucareon Vee  2 days back

                                    Witch Chan
                                    We dismiss you as a bigot. :p

                                  • Witch Chan
                                    Witch Chan  2 days back

                                    @Hannah Nope tell that to India and subsaharan Africa. Meanwhile Germany and Japan’s median age are heading to 50 and the former Germany is being swarmed by Arab-Turks who hate their society. You can dismiss me as a bigot but I’m not wrong

                                  • Witch Chan
                                    Witch Chan  2 days back

                                    @Ringo I’m half korean half Anglo so both of my societies are facing demographic collapse. Korea’s median is project to be over 50 by 2060

                                  • Lucareon Vee
                                    Lucareon Vee  4 days back

                                    Funnier: I believe Witch has mentioned that she’s half Korean.

                                  • Hannah Nope
                                    Hannah Nope  4 days back

                                    theres 7 billion people on this rock. we're not at the risk of extinction because someone doesnt want children.

                                • Lesley Burkhard
                                  Lesley Burkhard  1 weeks back

                                  I'm a SAHM of two boys. When youngest was about 1yr old I broached the subject of permanent birth control with my OB (ideally I'd like hubs to get snipped but he's not keen on it, I'm working on it). She said "no, maybe after your third baby." I'm done having babies! Two are physically and mentally enough for me. So even with children you can get this same BS!

                                  • Nada
                                    Nada  1 weeks back

                                    funny how it seems to be so hard to understand. try telling a week-old pregnant woman that they might not want it in 9 months, it rlly shouldnt be a justified attitude. good talk

                                    • UsefullPig
                                      UsefullPig  1 weeks back

                                      The title sounds like a "The Onion" video making fun of TED Talks

                                      • UsefullPig
                                        UsefullPig  1 weeks back

                                        The video was genuinely good though

                                    • flewjewcoop
                                      flewjewcoop  1 weeks back

                                      The cat industry has a bright future.

                                      • ArabicMusicLady
                                        ArabicMusicLady  3 days back

                                        Not all women who choose to not have kids have cats. Many women who never married and never had kids are living without cats or any animal pets. They have friends and family part of their lives.

                                      • Hannah Nope
                                        Hannah Nope  4 days back

                                        cats are great tho

                                    • sam Freelancer
                                      sam Freelancer  1 weeks back

                                      She will changes her mind when she turns 40 with 99 cats on her living room.

                                      • zeta orionis
                                        zeta orionis  6 days back

                                        Or maybe she will turn 40 with a husband and traveling the world, thats my Boss life ✌️

                                    • Grace The Cat [Sans’s Wife and Girlfriends]

                                      Children deserve to be loved and cared for, They don't deserve a mom like me.

                                      • Norma Snockers
                                        Norma Snockers  1 weeks back

                                        If she asked you to cut her healthy breasts off... could you do it? Its the same deal asking a doctor to ruin a healthy natural reproductive system. Then complaining to the world about how awful the medical system is. They arent there to alter healthy peoples bodies. They are there for the sick.

                                        • Lucareon Vee
                                          Lucareon Vee  1 weeks back

                                          Norma Snockers
                                          Except that the reason such a surgery exists is because a “healthy, natural reproductive system” is a problem for some people. Men rarely get this much scrutiny from doctors when they get a vasectomy. Should be the same for women. :)

                                      • Nikolay Todorov
                                        Nikolay Todorov  1 weeks back

                                        I'll never forget an online chess game from 4 years ago with a PhD physicist, who studied about black holes, and told me life's pointless, didn't want a girlfriend and was an atheist. He approved of my idea that I'd like to believe in a hypothetical angels' physical form of existence on a distant universe. I didn't agree with him on the love topic, but people like him and her should remind there's another side of the coin. Take a look at this, еven via skipping parts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD4izuDMUQA&list=PLdCGlTHpbaAHj59C7kq48HunADznfeezL&index=29&t=0s ... "Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."

                                        • Mattuiop
                                          Mattuiop  1 weeks back

                                          She's going to be a lonely cat lady in a few years. Calling it.

                                          • Lucareon Vee
                                            Lucareon Vee  1 weeks back

                                            That would still be preferable to being a mother. :)

                                        • Mtpimenta
                                          Mtpimenta  1 weeks back

                                          It's a good thing to those women not to have kids, natural selection at it's finest, no one should change their minds.

                                          • Francesca Franci
                                            Francesca Franci  2 weeks back

                                            I don't want to put myself through the stress of a pregnancy. If my future husband and I will want to have kids we are just gonna adopt one. There are a lot of children who need a safe home

                                            • sparky 1024
                                              sparky 1024  2 weeks back

                                              My mom was 21 when she had me. I was an accident and over that she didnt want to have kids. During her pregnancy she was thinking to send me to foster care or abort me but she had to keep me due to so much pressure from in laws. During her career preparation i was neglected continuously because of which i didnt know how to speak and write till the age of 4! I lived with my grandparents for 10 years and during that time we were drifting away from each other slowly. When i returned, it felt i am seeing a stranger and now i still feel that i cannot form a bond with her since it s been only 5 years living together. She is lecturer in university and i am happy for her but if not because of my grandparents, i d have ended my life. Women should have freedom to choose. They are not baby making machines but humans who have feelings, willingness to do something for them.

                                              • Untamed 369
                                                Untamed 369  2 weeks back

                                                Congratulations. Thumbs Up. On the other hand: Traditional families are the Epicenter of SOCIAL DISASTER.

                                                • Fox-Fluff L
                                                  Fox-Fluff L  2 weeks back

                                                  I'm only in high school, but I have to say that her message is one that I have said myself many times. I'm asexual. I don't want kids either. I don't want the responsibility of properly raising a human being and worrying about whether I can provide or care for them...

                                                  Good to fina a kindred spirit in the society of gender roles and stereotypes :3

                                                  • Loner Link
                                                    Loner Link  2 weeks back

                                                    Pfffttt.. i barely wanna be alive, why would I bring kids into this shithole planet..

                                                    • LiveLoveLaugh
                                                      LiveLoveLaugh  2 weeks back

                                                      What I really detest is that look I get when I tell people that I'm childless; it's this "Oh, what a shame!" look until they ask the next tactless question which is "Why?". And when I say "'Cause I never wanted to.", I get the "Are you a zombie or something?" look. It can be frustrating, but the older I grow I find them and their looks laughable. :)

                                                      • Lucareon Vee
                                                        Lucareon Vee  2 weeks back

                                                        That’s because they are laughable. Funny that they think they can live everyone’s lives for them. ;)